Random Thoughts

Compassionate Leave

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2 years ago
by StefWill in

I’m on the SkyBus to the airport. Sitting on floor with my back against someones suitcase. Why am I doing this? My Mum is about to go under the knife, she has a 7cm aneurysm sticking out of her heart that has plans to end her.
Of course the surgery comes with a warning too. Years of smoking have left her with lungs 20 years older than the rest of her body. This could cause complications.
So I’m hunkered down on the floor of a SkyBus heading back to Sydney.

w00t! I’m bloggin’ on the go.

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2 years ago
by StefWill in

Okay, so by on the go I mean posting via my Android phone while I’m sitting in front of my computer, but hey I am a geek :)

Lost and Found (Part 5)

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3 years ago
by StefWill in

I know, I know… I’ve been very slack in letting you all know what has been happening. Truth is I’ve been a bit busy.

When last we spoke, I had just received an email from my Dad and I was sending him one. He had asked me to call him and I really wasn’t sure I was emotionally up to it. That all changed on Thursday. I plucked up the courage and picked up the phone.

I was really worried that we would have nothing to talk about, nothing in common. Well boy was I wrong!

Once we got over the tears and the Oh my lords, we just talked.

My Dad and I have quite a bit in common, We both love Sci-Fi, gadgets and tech toys. We have both served in the military, he was stationed in Belfast, Hong Kong and Germany to name a few. His first computer was an Altair. He had a C64 then an AT.

All the geek talk was awesome, but above all I realised I have a father that never stopped loving me. That still loves my Mother. That loves me without condition or reservation. It is an unusual feeling. I could get used to it.

Peace

Lost and Found (Part 4)

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3 years ago
by StefWill in

I had it all planned… I was going to play it cool, keep it short and polite. Nothing to personal or heavy.

Well that all went to shit after I typed “Hi Dad,”

The words flowed forth like a… something big and flowy. It has no structure, no flow. It’s just a jumble of words and emotions that gushed out of my fingertips uncontrollably. I didn’t criticise or point the finger of blame. I just told him a little bit about me and how getting touch with his side of the family has opened up feelings in me I never knew existed.

Having an extended family that don’t like you and aren’t afraid to let you know is a strange place to grow up. Most people know that even under the bullshit there is love, not so for me. My only ally was my Mum. I never understood how people could say they hated their family but would do anything for them. I got the hate part but really I couldn’t give a toss about mine and I know the feeling is mutual.

So any way, I’ve emailed my Dad, and now I want to hide in a corner and pretend I didn’t hit the send button, while at the same time I want him to reply right now! Mixed emotions… That used to be just another expression to me. I now have a firm and personal understanding of the phrase ;)

Peace

Thanks to everyone for your words of support through this.

It means the world to me.

Lost and Found (Part 3)

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3 years ago
by StefWill in

First let me just apologise about the state of Part 2. My work blocks my blog so I had to post that from my phone. No excuse really but there it is.

Well I got to work this morning and there, sitting in my Gmail inbox was an email from my Dad. It took me about half an hour to actually open it. I was scared silly. I finally plucked up the courage and read it. It was short and to the point but I cried any way. He wants me to call him so we can talk.

I tried to respond to his email but kept deleting it. Finally I sent an email to my aunt telling her how I felt, these emotions that are boiling up in me are hard to explain. I’m happy, sad, scared, elated and have 6 billion thoughts all bouncing around at the speed of light.

My mobile rang with a private number about half an hour later. It was my aunt, calling from Florida just to make sure I was okay. It was the first time I’d ever spoken to her. It was amazing and I cried some more. My boss asked if I was alright, I gave her the short version, she told me to go home and just process everything that is going on.

So now, I still haven’t emailed my Dad, I was feeling much more relaxed, That was until I started thinking about what I’d say in my email. Now the panic is setting back in! What the hell do I say? How can I slice open my chest and pour out everything that is swarming around in there in to an email? I can’t call him a) it’s 4am and b) I think my heart would leap out of my mouth!

So where does that leave me? Right where I started. I just have to shot off a short “Hi Dad, good to hear from you” email.

How hard can it be?

I’ll let you know.

Peace

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